Today, on Father's Day ironically, I am excited and scared. I am embarking on a journey to find a woman who may be my sister.
Years ago, when I was 20 and just finding out about my mother's impending death, my family received a phone call from a woman who said my daddy was the father of her child, a child who was already a 32 year old woman. She and my mother talked and my mother explained to her what my family was facing. My mother was recently diagnosed with cancer and grappling with the fact that she had three months to live. My brother was 13 and my sister was 32, the same age as the young woman so curious to meet and know her family. My brother, sister, and I have always been different. Unlike them, I wanted to know more. I wanted to meet her and to know if she really was my blood. My brother and sister were both upset and hurt. At the time, I felt they were being irrational, but now that I'm older, I know that it was not only hurt fueling their anger, but fear as well. We were all scared, and that was ok.
The woman understood that right then was not the right time for us. She left her information, and months later, after only my mother's spirit was present, all of our family and friends had travelled back home and gone on with their lives, I thought about that young woman. My "sister".
I tried to find the number to no avail. It had been about six months or so and it seemed like ages. I figured one day I'd reach out to her and before I knew it years had gone by. Now, 12 years later, I am ashamed. I allowed so much time to go by and this young woman still had not succeeded in meeting and get to know the father she sought over a decade ago. I tear up imagining how I would feel in that situation. The courage it took for her mother to dial our number was huge, but unsuccessful.
Sometimes I think I may have seen her before. I could've been in the same room with her or even shared a conversation. I don't want to let another day go by without doing what I can to find out the truth. Today, on Father's Day ironically, I picked up the phone and asked my dad if it was ok if I tried to locate the woman and her daughter, and like I knew he would he said sure. He said he had thought about her sometimes, too. Now I am awaiting a call from a family member who may have the key to unlocking this mystery and opening our book to a new chapter.
Family has always been important to me, but as I age, it is the most important thing to me. Knowing my family, being with family and, one day, starting a family is almost all that I think about. Family is really all we have. I am truly reminded that on this Father's Day.
